Dusk and Summer
by Madame Buble
Summary: A story of summer love, lost innocence, and broken promises. A one shot love story between Jackie and Hyde. Based loosely on Dusk and Summer by Dashboard Confessional.


Ever since I locked eyes with Jackie that summer, nothing has ever been the same. I could feel that it was wrong, it was burning throughout my entire body, leaving my skin blazing to the touch. But I didn't let that stop me. Even as I leaned into kiss her I knew I was starting something fragile, something extremely breakable. I knew that once this shattered it would be close to impossible to pick up the pieces again. You would think I would stop, pull away urgently while blowing a raspberry in her face, but I didn't. Or I would kiss her once, laugh, and then never kiss her again, but I didn't do that either. Her lips were soft and warm, just like I had remembered them. I liked the way her bubblegum lip gloss tasted on my tongue and I liked the way my scruffy beard felt on her baby smooth skin. And even though I would never admit it, I liked the way she made me feel like I wasn't alone.

You know that feeling, when you're standing in a room full of people and you've never felt more alone? That has never once happened with Jackie. Even when she would make fun of me, I knew she was only hiding. She wasn't the little girl she pretended to be with me, she was just herself. I liked how she wanted to please me but didn't feel the need to impress me.

I was always the one who could tell her home life wasn't as perfect as she made it seem. I knew that she probably never spent any actual time with her parents, and that they didn't really care about her. They just bought her a lot of useless, meaningless stuff as if it could justify the way they treated their daughter. The worst part about it was that she believed them.

All these thoughts came rushing into my head as I pulled away from her kiss. She locked eyes with me once more and I knew I couldn't resist. It was summer time; people had all sorts of hollow flings in the summer time, so I kissed her again. This time I didn't worry about whether it was wrong or not. I allowed my instincts to sweep me up into something I knew would be hard to get out of.

As the summer got hotter, our make-out sessions got more and more frequent. It was as if I had a schedule. I would get up, eat breakfast, watch TV, eat lunch, go back to the basement, and then periodically make out with Jackie for the rest of the day. Somewhere in there, we started talking. It started as casual flirting but later transformed into some sort of bond that neither of us could understand. We started having conversations about our parents, and why they were the way the way they were. She eventually mentioned how she used to feel alone, until now. Her words echoed my thoughts effortlessly, and I was so unusually drawn to her. I didn't just want to kiss her anymore; I wanted to be near her, physically and emotionally.

The feeling wasn't welcome. I could feel my body physically rejecting it. I had never felt like this before in my entire life, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. Part of me thought it was inevitable that she would run back to Kelso when he returned, but another part of me asked the question "What if she doesn't?"

I remember vividly the time I asked her about Kelso. It was The Fourth of July of 1978. Bob was having a barbeque, but neither of us wanted to hang around a Fez mourning the loss of Kelso or a wimpy Foreman crying over Donna, so we bailed. We climbed in the El Camino and I drove us to the reservoir, the place we had our date a last November. I glanced over at Jackie and I could see her lips slowly curl into a smile when she realized where I was taking her. I involuntarily felt my own tug upwards as well.

I got out of the car, walking around to the other side to open her door. Listening to the music circulating in the air, I hopped onto the hood, lay down, and closed my eyes. My eyes popped open when I felt a soft weight upon my stomach. I stared down at Jackie who had made her head perfectly comfortable on my stomach. She glanced up at me and smiled. I smiled softly when I noticed her eyes. They were two different colors.

"You're eyes are two different colors." I said plainly. She smiled wide and laughed softly, looking down to toy with the ends of her raven hair.

"You want to know something?" She asked honestly. He just shrugged in response. She sighed and took this a sign to continue. "We've been doing this . . . thing for, what three weeks now?" She asked curiously.

"A month" I answered quickly. She beamed in surprise of me remembering this. "I think. I don't know." I countered gruffly, so she would just keep going and not pester me about it.

"Well anyways," She began again, getting a strange expression on her face. "You noticed after a month with me, Michael never noticed. Not once over the entire two years." I gulped at the mention of his name from her lips. Even though I knew I shouldn't be asking this, I asked her about him.

"So, what really made you decide to break up with Kelso?" She looked up at me curiously.

"Well, he ran away from me, went to California, and as we speak is probably doing it with every slut in California. So there's always that." She said giggling. When she noticed my stone expression, she quit. She gazed down and then back up at my eyes. "What do you mean?" She asked softly.

"I know that you didn't really break up with him because he ran away. The old Jackie would have waited for him." I said honestly. She knew it was true, because she looked ashamed, even humiliated.

"He used me." I was silent as I waited for her to continue. All that was heard was the consistent chirping of the crickets and soft lull of the car stereo. "All I wanted was just a little bit of affection, maybe even just protection, just assurance that there was _somebody _who cared enough about me to stick around." Her voice was shaking, and I could tell she was on the verge of tears. "When we first started dating, it was the beginning of my sophomore year. I was so naïve, and so clueless of his motivations, that when he asked me on a date, all I saw was a handsome face that had chosen _me. _Out of everyone, he wanted me." A few tears slipped out of her eyes, and my thumbs reached down to gently wipe them away. "I'm sorry," She started as she tried to recover herself. "You probably don't want to listen to this.

I shook my head and answered, "No. You can keep going." She looked up at me in disbelief as she sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. I imitated her position, and prompted her to keep going. She sighed and continued.

"We kept dating, and I had by this point convinced myself I loved him. And even though I never told anyone…" She trailed off, squeezing her eyes, as though trying not to cry again. I reached out and rubbed her arm comfortingly. She gave me a small but sad smile, grabbing my hand and placing it around her waist as she snuggled into my side. Normally I would've acted annoyed but I didn't try to pretend since she was so upset.

"He cheated on me, in between Pam Macy and Laurie." She admitted hoarsely, wiping her nose on her sleeve. My heart squeezed as I thought about how many times I knew he was cheating and didn't say anything. Nobody deserved to go through this.

"What happened?" I asked curiously, though I already knew. But sometimes, Kelso's stories weren't exactly accurate.

"I took him back much too quickly. And when I forgave him, I asked him never to do it again. Thinking maybe this time he would obey. He picked me up and sat me on the deep freeze in the basement and said "Whatever you need baby." She spat those words as if they were venom and scoffed. "It reminded me of when we first started dating. He was at my house and he picked me up and set me on the counter, and I asked him if he would love me, and protect me, and always be faithful to me. "Whatever you need baby." That was always his reply. And then there was you." As she said this she sighed softly, causing a small smile to grace his lips, prompting him to rub his face in her silky locks and kiss her on the top of her head. "You held me that time at the Ski Cabin and you took me to the Prom. I remember feeling so guilty that you were the one I actually wanted to be around." She sighed softly, as she finished.

"And that's why I broke up with him."

"Hmm, and here I was thinking I had nothing to do with it." I mocked playfully. She giggled, smacking him lightly on the chest. She rested her head on his chest, and breathed him in. He wrapped both of his arms around her and allowed himself to close his eyes. After a moment or two of silence she gazed up at him.

"You are so perfect." She whispered, eyes shining with admiration and affection. With this I smiled at her and kissed her softly, slowly forgetting everything else but melting into her. _She _was perfect. We laid back down on the El Camino and she rested her head on my chest, my fingers stroking her hair. Then she breathed something I won't ever forget.

"Nobody here can lay forever in the dusk and summer."

I thought about what she meant because I never did fully understand what she meant. This was a rare moment of depth from Jackie, revealing how smart she actually is. But I understand now. Now that Eric is gone, and Kelso is Chicago and there is nothing he can do about it, I understand. It was foolish for me to believe that those carefree summer days would continue on forever. Jackie had understood that it was time to grow up, and I hadn't. But, the one thing Jackie had known was that if it was time to grow up she wanted to grow up with him, and I simply tossed that in the trash.

There wasn't an excuse for anything I have done, and there's not ever going to be one. Walking down the basement with these thoughts and memories dancing in my head, I stopped and almost smiled when I saw Jackie's sleeping form, snuggled on the couch.

She was always such a calm sleeper. Never utters a sound when asleep. I walked over towards her, kneeling down by the couch. Before I could stop myself, I reached out and touched her hair. She stirred peacefully in her sleep and I saw a faint outline of a smile. I leaned over and placed a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead before heading off to my room. Closing my eyes, I could still hear, and smell, and feel the dusk and the summer, almost as if it were yesterday.

Whispering a "Happy New Year, Jackie", I made my way to my room, almost content. Lying down on the olive green army cot, my eyes shut and smiled, sleep slowly claiming me.

I went to bed smiling for the first time that night.

It was the gentle comfort of just knowing that Jackie thought about dusk and summer too.


End file.
